Question by OSCAR
How to get someone to stop leaving their dogs in a hot car without hurting their feelings..?
My step mother is VERY sensitive. It can be difficult to impossible to say you are concerned or unhappy about something she does, because she takes it very personally and often starts to cry. She has issues and I have always tried to be very gentle and nice when I tell her things so she wont feel guilty or bad about it, because she will often think it means she is a bad person. When in fact she is very sweet and kind.
She and my father have been taking their dogs in the car with them for car rides for a very long time. She feels it is mean to leave them at home, and thinks they are unhappy if they don’t get to go. Something I have not been able to get her past, as she often treats them like her children more then like dogs.
Mostly it is not an issue, because when it is really hot they leave them at home, but they don’t always pay enough attention to how warm it really is, and I know it can be dangerous at even moderate temperatures for dogs to be left in parked cars in warm weather. I often get the “We will roll down the windows and park in the shade.” reply from them, but I know that makes little difference, and I have seen their dogs panting in their car on more then one occasion.
HOW can I get it across to them that this is NOT good and can be very bad for their dogs without hurting my stepmothers feelings too bad? I have sent an email to my dad with some links and telling him my concerns, but I am afraid that wont stop my step mom from taking them out with her when she goes shopping, something she does a lot.
Thank you in advance for any helpful replies.
I have tried telling them to not take the dogs out, that it is kinda warm, but some days they think it is cool enough. Especially if it is in the evening or the sun is going down soon.
Yes, I know she is overly sensitive and needs help, but she wont get help. The overly sensitive bit is not going to change. Please try not to make rude comments about her, as she is who she is and we all have our issues.
@ Serendipity xo
I NEVER said she was not providing enough AIR for them and I NEVER said they were breaking a law. In fact I said the OPPOSITE! They make it a point to roll down the windows part way and to park in the shade when they can. If I could tell her flat out, hey STOP taking the dogs you could kill them, without making her break into tears I WOULD! Hence my question here asking if anyone can think of a way to get my point across to her without making her feel guilty.
@ Debbie Sadly, they already have a thermometer in their car, the problem is that they often think it is cool enough, when it isn’t…meaning they think it is ok in 76degree weather to leave dogs in a car that can heat up to 116degrees if left in the sun, and leaving windows open doesn’t always help.
I live with my father and step mother, and yes the dogs are very loved and cared for, but not always in ways that are ‘good’ for the dogs. I see first hand exactly HOW they are treated. I have already gotten them to stop feeding them tons of treats and bread and cheeseburgers. So they have come a long way already in how they treat the dogs. The problem is, there are still more things I think they need to do, like feed the dogs around the same time everyday, and not take them in the car when it is above 75degrees out or during the daytime in the summer.
@Johnie She doesn’t have empty nest syndrome, as she NEVER had kids. Her dogs are her kids in some ways, and she spoils them the same way she spoils anyone she loves. The problem is, she had a father who was VERY abusive to animals, she grew up on a farm and to even imply she might be treating them neglectfully, makes her very upset because she is afraid of being like her father.
@Launi I appreciate your candid answer, and for most peo
and for most people, that is JUST what I would do, but telling her candidly has not gotten through. They still give me the “Windows down parking in the shade” reply, because they think it is cool enough for the dogs. I have even tried reminding them that they need to maybe go outside with coat on so they know how warm it is for the dogs…since the dogs have fur and are warmer because it…still not getting through.
@Trooper THANK YOU SO MUCH! That is the best idea! It would totally work! THANKS SO MUCH!
@cav, there is no law against leaving dogs in the car in my state unless it is obviously dangerous for the dog, IE really hot and the windows are up and no water..ect ect…
This is sort of a grey area, as they are not taking them out in really hot weather, but even mild weather can be dangerous.
I AM NOT CALLING ANIMAL CONTROL ON THEM and shame on you all for suggesting it….because they are not breaking any laws, and in truth, they are not taking the dogs out in extreme hot wea
they are not taking the dogs out in extreme hot weather, it is just the fact that I know even mild weather can be hot for a dog and that concerns me.
@Notre Dame Fan I think you need to learn how to pay attention to the details of what I have posted, as it is BOTH my father and step mom who take the dogs out in the car and I have no authority to take their dogs away from them. It is NOT animal cruelty because the dogs are not left in the car for more then an hour at a time, the car is not left in HOT weather and they are not cramped or lacking room because the car is HUGE. It is just bad decision making on their part, and because they sometimes take them out when it is a little to warm (below 79 degrees, but above 75 degrees), it might cause the dogs to overheat or get sick. If I thought they were taking them out in heat that might KILL the dog, I would be more abrupt about it and would even consider reporting them or warning them I would report them if they continued to do that.
THIS IS a grey area, because by all laws and regulations, they are not doing ANYTHING WRONG, I am just concerned that the dogs might get sick or get overh
Tell her that cars heat up pretty fast and can hydrate the dog… is she’s that sensitive she needs some help..
ACTUALLY your step mother is not breaking any laws, as long as a dog has adequate room, shade, airflow and water in a car they can actually be more than happy.
How you know your step mother is not providing enough air for them? 99.9% of dogs will pant as soon as they get in a car but that doesn’t mean its bad, I have had my dogs in the car for 4/5 hours due to being stuck in traffic on my way home from holiday we had the windows open with window guards in them the fans on water dishes down and they where fine.
If you really feel she is doing some massive harm to the dogs just tell her out right that she needs to stop doing it. To me it seems like the dogs are rather loved and very cared for, you said yourself they leave them at home when its REALLY hot.
There comes a time when you have to decide between hurting someones feelings and keeping an animal from physical harm. Why don’t you suggest that since she insists on taking her dogs with her that she put a thermometer inside her car? She will be able to see for herself the tempreture the car gets up to. maybe if she sees it in black & white, it will sink in.
In many States your stepmother is breaking the law and can get a hefty fine or even jail time. You may want to look up the laws of your State and bring them to her attention. If the fine is severe enough it may make her think twice.
I feel for you! Older ladies have “Empty Nest” feelings that can start even while their babies are, babies…
Getting a pet replaces this deeply rooted maternal instinct by providing “love and be loved” emotions. It is very hard for women who have had children to be without this emotional release. Pets provide this rather well.
Having said this, it must be impressed upon these ladies that these pets are not “dumb” animals. They have to be protected just like a 3 yrs. old human. To leave a 3 yrs. old baby in a sweltering car IS criminal! Virtually the same applies to pets. The authorities can and will remove pets from owners who do not treat them as they should. Endangerment is a serious offense. Death is not reversable either.
Since I have broken out car windows in parking lots while in the process of calling the police & since they were not getting there fast enough & because the dog was dying, I am not a good one to answer this question because if I happened upon your stepmother’s car she would have her windows broken out, arrested for animal abuse and in jail.
I don’t care what kind of *problems* she has, where I live it is considered ABUSE/NEGLECT/CRUELTY.
Honestly? I don’t give a good gosh darn about hurting anyone’s feelings when it comes to this kind of thing.
There is no way to keep from hurting her feelings. Most of the time just coming right out & saying it, plain, simple and to the point is the best.
Obviously I don’t answer questions on this site just to get a BA.
Maybe instead of making the issue about what she is doing, make it about what other people are doing. Then you can redirect the whole issue and focus, yet still get the same results, that being the dog not left alone in a car.
Just one idea is look up on line, and print out articles about “bait dogs”. Dogs being stolen for the purpose of training fighting dogs. Many missing pets are stolen for this reason. Tell her you are terrified of this happening to the dogs, that someone could bust out a window, snatch the dogs, and be gone in seconds.
Explain to her that you can’t think of nothing more horrible then a passive, family pet, used to a loving home, being snatched, and hours later being ripped to shreds by a fighting dog in order to make the fighting dog more aggressive.
Play it up, make it out to be your own unreasonable phobia. Claim you are so disturbed by what you read, you have nightmares about this happening to their dogs.
Not always, but often, slightly unstable people respond better to another persons instability, then they do to reason.
Best of luck.
call animal control on them
Most states have laws against leaving dogs in cars and if a passerby reports it the owners can be fined. One summer my son and his friend where at the market and came upon a dog in distress left in a car with only the sun roof cracked open. He and his friend broke the sun roof to get the dog out. I’m not condoning this but the dog was in very bad shape. Police where called and owners where fined. My son and his friend where released with no charges. In our state what they did was OK to save the dog.
You can contact your local animal shelter and they will be able to tell you the state law regarding leaving a dog in a car. Maybe if she knows there is a law against it she will think better of leaving dogs in car. I hope your father will be able to convince your stepmother. Even if it is just warm for us a dogs normal body temperature is 101.6 opposed to our 98.6 so it takes very little for them to get over heated. Good Luck
I’m sorry I don’t care who it is I would let them know the next time would be a call to the animal control or the police.
Johnny G. thanks for the laugh, trust me at the ripe old age of 67 I still have a sense of humor and never had the empty nest feeling just relief. Don’t believe everything you read.
I don’t want to be rude but your step mother is not responsible enough to own a dog. Leaving a dog in a warm car is animal cruelty. The dog doesn’t have a lot of room in the car and its very uncomfortable for them. A car sitting in the sun is a like a sauna.
Did you ever notice dogs hate being hot? Dogs try everything possible to cool themselves down, they pant, they lay on cool spots on the floor, they decide to lie down on the floor instead of couch because heat rises and cool air descends, drink water, lay in a shady spot to lie down in and they lay in spot and try not to move.
Humans can handle this kind of heat because our body releases sweat to cool us down. Dog’s bodies don’t release sweat to cool them down. To make it even worst they have furry coats they just making them even hotter.
In this situation, i would tell your mom that leaving dogs in hot cars is animal cruelty. If she does it again, warn her you and your father will take the dog away. Does it the another time, take the dog away.
I know this is cruel thinking but what your my is doing to her dog is cruel to. If she really loves the dog she will stop doing this after you tell her its animal cruelty or when you warn her to take the dog away.
Also, in some states this is illegal. Check your state to see what the laws are in this situation. I would warn her about this and warn her about taking the dog away before some else does. If people walk by the car and see the dog they can report it to animal control. Animal controll WILL take the dog away. Your step mother will probably never be able to get the dog back. If she goes to court she’ll probably loose because it is animal cruelty.
I hope this helped! Also, again I’m sorry if this rude towards you but its the truth and im just telling you what happens and what might happen.